pictures of success
by puertoricanjane
Summary: So why be afraid of the future, why be afraid to dream, when she now knew her own worth, her own strength?


"If I write another application essay, I swear my fingers are going to fall off," Yukari declared. "And how will I get into university then?"

As if to contradict her own words, she started wiggling her fingers in earnest and then they were suddenly closer to Hitomi's face than they had any right to be. Hitomi laughed and gently pushed Yukari's hand away.

"Yeah? Then how come you just nearly poked my eye out?"

"You're exaggerating, Hitomi!"

Hitomi grinned. "Oh, I'm the one exaggerating?" she asked. "Now that's rich."

Yukari pouted. "Some best friend you are, not the least bit sympathetic to my plight! What have I done to be treated so cruelly? Not only will I never get into university, but I'll have to get a new best friend, the way things are going."

"I'm sure you'll live," Hitomi said dryly.

The two held each other's gaze for a long moment, their lips twitching in their efforts to hold in their laughter before they finally succumbed to a fit of giggles. They had to stop walking, they were laughing so hard. Hitomi clutched at her stomach and Yukari had to lean on Hitomi to support her weight.

"Like you could break anyone in this late in the game anyway," Hitomi said, once their laughter had finally died down. "I'm the only one equipped to handle your weirdness."

Yukari snorted at that. She pointed at Hitomi, then back at herself. "Pot," she said, "meet kettle."

Hitomi didn't say anything, just shook her head and smiled as they continued on their walk back from school. Yukari was right; she really didn't have room to talk. She'd win a weirdness-off any day of the week, not just with Yukari but anyone on this planet really.

"So do you know what school you want to go to yet?" Yukari asked, craning her head both ways before crossing the street. Hitomi kept up a steady pace beside her, their hands idly brushing as they walked. She gave a thoughtful hum in answer and Yukari rolled her eyes.

"Don't hum at me, Hitomi. That's not an answer, you know."

Hitomi sighed and used the time in which she adjusted the strap of her bag over her shoulder to gather her thoughts, feeling the weight of Yukari's gaze on her all the while.

"I don't know yet," she said. "And I kind of like it that way. I'm keeping my options open. I'll make a decision when the acceptance letters start coming in but until then..." Hitomi trailed off, giving an almost careless shrug.

"I wish I could be as relaxed as you about this whole process," Yukari said. "I feel like I'm losing my mind. I mean, even if I do get accepted, I have no idea what I'd study at university or what I want to be in life or anything."

"Most people our age don't," Hitomi pointed out. Sensing Yukari's need for reassurance, she gave Yukari's hand a quick comforting squeeze. "You're not alone in that, trust me. That's what university is for anyway, to help you start to figure that all out. I believe you will," she continued, smiling warmly at her best friend, "because I believe in you."

Yukari returned Hitomi's squeeze with one of her own, her eyes just as bright as Hitomi's. "I believe in you too."

They didn't say anything for a while after that but the silence wasn't awkward. It was comfortable, warm, the kind of silence that existed only between the closest of friends, one where a constant exchange of words had long since stopped being a necessity.

She could feel Yukari gazing sidelong at her and Hitomi decided to meet it head on. There was a question in her friend's eyes and she raised an eyebrow, hoping to coax it out of her.

Yukari sighed and looked away, pushing some of her hair over her shoulder.

"Are you scared of the future at all?" she asked suddenly.

This time, Hitomi didn't even need to think it over. She had known her answer long before Yukari had opened her mouth, before the question had even formed itself in her friend's mind.

"No," she said, and it was as easy as breathing, maybe easier. "I'm really not."

* * *

Hitomi waved at Yukari's retreating back, waiting until her friend had disappeared around the corner before continuing on alone. Yukari was meeting Amano at the train station; they were going to a new cake shop, one that Yukari had talked about wanting to go to long before its opening. She had invited Hitomi along but Hitomi waved her off, telling her to have fun on her date.

Hitomi grinned, remembering just how red Yukari's face had gotten at her words.

She clasped her hands behind her back as she walked, feeling almost like skipping, she was in such high spirits. Not even the thought of exams to study for and university applications to look over and fill out could bring her down.

She thought of Yukari again and the conversation they had about university, about the future. Graduation was a year away and there was a palpable sense of stress and uncertainty in the air amongst those in her class. Hitomi was no stranger to the former but in regards to the latter, well, she was strangely confident.

Or maybe not so strange, she thought, reaching a hand to her neck. She touched the now empty skin her pendant used to lay against, brushing it with two feather light fingers. It was an absent-minded touch, one she found herself doing whenever her thoughts strayed in the direction of her time on Gaea.

Her time with Van.

What she had said to Yukari...she meant every word.

She wasn't scared of the future, blind though she may be to its twists and turns. In a way, she embraced it, that same uncertainty that had so many of her friends and classmates spooked.

Hitomi didn't know how the future was going to play out, had no visions to guide her into taking a course of action. She preferred it that way because she now had a power that surpassed those of her seer abilities: Hitomi had the power of choice. True choice, not the false ones she had so readily employed before. She didn't used to know the difference and it wasn't something she would ever forget. Just one of the many gifts from Gaea that she kept tucked close to her heart.

Come what may, all choices made would be entirely her own.

She could be anyone, Hitomi thought, do anything. She smiled at the thought of herself as an Olympic runner or maybe an anthropologist. Before Gaea - before Van - she wouldn't have allowed herself to think such things, believing it a bit too farfetched for her to even seriously consider. What was the point in trying to reach that high when she'd only be left straining for something destined to remain forever out of reach?

But Hitomi knew better now. Van and the others, everything she had gone through in that tumultuous time, it had all changed her for the better. It showed her that she was capable of greater things than she had ever imagined.

So why be afraid of the future, why be afraid to dream, when she now knew her own worth, her own strength?

Nothing was predetermined; she didn't believe in there only ever being one set outcome, that you had no choice but to be swept along by things like fate or destiny. It's why she gave up fortune telling; she believed you should be able to make your own fate, not let it be dictated to you by others. Her future would be one of her own choosing and Hitomi found it all the more beautiful for it.

She lifted her face to the sun and closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of it playing on her face. No, she wasn't scared at all, and she wasn't sad or lonely either. Van was always with her. He always would be. Their love for each other was constant, unwavering; transcending space and time and beyond needing the physical presence of the other to be content in life. It nourished her like nothing else, was part of what gave her the strength to go about life as she did. Because she wasn't alone, not really; you never are when you love and are loved by others.

Eyes still closed, she saw him. He was smiling at her in her mind's eye, that small but impossibly warm smile that almost seemed to be just for her. Hitomi grinned back, not caring how foolish she must look to people walking by. _I'm doing fine, Van_, she told him, not for the first or the last time.

Or maybe she was really only telling herself. It didn't make it less true either way.

She had no doubts that the same wasn't also true for him.

Hitomi opened her eyes. She resumed her walk home, humming snatches of what she remembered of songs on Gaea. The future was bright with infinite possibility and Hitomi moved through her world without fear of being crushed because she knew she was bigger and stronger than anything it could ever throw her way.


End file.
